This thing had better run my life for me

I've been thinking about the choices I've made over the past few months. I decided to drop out of business school. I changed my major to a degree I once thought was worthless (I'm still not 100% convinced of it's worth though). I applied and got accepted to UA. I quit my job. I was going to move to Tuscaloosa. I decided to stay. I decided to go back to my old job. At the time these decisions were made, they really seemed like the right ones. But now, I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to think I might have put my entire life on standstill... or even worse, taken two steps back.

The whole reason I quit my old job was mainly because I knew it was a complete dead-end job. I would never get a "promotion" or a raise, I would never be anything there, and I was wasting my hard-earned degree on a company that really didn't show any appreciation to what I brought to the table. I'm really worried that by returning there, I'm going to fall into the same rut I did before: overworked and underpaid. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this... making sure that I set the standards and not just show up and say "okay what can I do?" There are a lot of things that I really want to do and that I hope will give me a lot of training for what I want to do in my career, but I'm scared that I'll get there and oops, there'll be a lot of people in the cafe. Candice, will you go in the cafe and work? Yes I know you're in the middle of a big project, but this is more important. I don't want this to be a waste of my time, even though deep down, I think it is.

I really want to move forward. I know I shouldn't look at other people's lives and think "Their's is so much better than mine because they are doing ____" but that's how I'm getting. And it's not thinking about how they're getting engaged or married; it's seeing them graduate from law school, med school... having fantastic careers... taking these amazing trips... What have I done? Looking back, I don't think I've done that much. I really want something that makes me feel successful. Like I have something to boast about. I know that sounds dumb, but really, how glamourous is a meal coordinator? What can I really talk about? "Well I set out the salads in a new way. I think it makes them pop." People look at me funny when I talk about work...

I know I should just be patient. Patience is a virtue, you know. It's just not one that I possess a lot of when it comes to myself. With other people, I have bookoodles of it. But with me, not so much. I'm just such a "I want this right now" kind of person. I really have never been the when it's right it'll happen kind. I'm just ready for it to be the right time. For it to be the time for me to find the right situation, the right job, the right city, the right man... It seems like time's just breezing on by me and I'm staying in the exact same spot.

My boss told me today that she interviewed someone for my position that she thinks I'll really like. I faked it and said "that's great!" But what I really thought was that it's really happening... I really quit my job, I'm really going back to Viva the Chef, and I'm really going back to UA. And right now, I really don't want any of it...